A Brand New Day!

I woke this morning with a plan.  At least, it feels like a plan.  Isn’t it interesting that one day can be so different from the next?

I had a friend once, a spiritual soul, who told me to write down an “I will…” statement rather than an “If I…” statement (as in “I will travel to Italy” rather than “If I ever travel to Italy”) and place the note in a sacred location.  She suggested a little alter.  I chose the sacred space between the mattress and the box spring.

It worked.  At that time, the time when she suggested this, I wanted very badly to travel solo for a month in central Mexico.  I was certain that I couldn’t afford the trip.  (And, perhaps, that I was a little too chicken.)  Still, I wrote the note and kept my eye on the prize.  Six months later I was in Mexico perfecting my Spanish and learning a great deal about culture and poverty.  (I chose not to travel as a tourist.  Instead, I stayed in guest homes including the homes of the families of my English-as-a- Second language students back in the states.  So, yes, I even traveled to little villages all by my lonesome.  It was eye-opening.)

So, today I am going to write another little note.  I am going to take my head out of the clouds and focus on what will happen rather than what might happen.  My goals are simple.  (However, is it bad luck to share them?  Is this like a penny in the fountain?  An eyelash in the wind?  The secret you blow, every so lightly, onto your birthday candles?)

1.)     Take better care of my teeth

2.)    Take a walk every morning before Paul goes to work

3.)    Write every day, finish what I start, send my work off for potential publication

4.)    Practice gratitude

Pretty simple.  I think.  Although none of those have been my forte lately.  I’ve been noticing plaque on the back of my lower front incisors.  (Gross, I know, and probably nothing you care about.  But, still.)  I’ve been struggling with my weight for the last two years.  (Okay, maybe longer.  Okay, maybe for my whole life.)  I have started writing more frequently, but not every day, and I am sending nothing off at all.  And, I don’t wake up thankful for my brand-new day or for my health or my possessions or my family.  I just wake up.  I rarely say grace and I no longer go about things mindfully.  Shame, shame, I know your name.  (Whatever that means?!?)

It may be a lot.  Maybe more than I can chew.  No, no, no.  That’s an “If I…” statement and we’re focusing on the “I will…”

I am excited.  A visit to the dentist, a slimmer me, a cork board full of rejection letters, a more peaceful attitude!

So, why this plan today?

It may seem strange, but Paul was watching an old documentary about a seemingly ancient expedition into the Arctic which was both very sad and very gruesome.  Because he was watching it in our bedroom and I was asleep, the details filtered into my dream.  For some reason, I was transported to my childhood home.  Specifically to a large rock in a path between my grandmother’s house and my own.   The rock kept growing and became covered with some flaky black material that became embedded under my nails as I clung to the rock for life.  I remember that I kept thinking:  “I don’t know what to do with our dead.”  Then I woke up.  The documentary became more and more horrific and I was filled with an increasing sense of gratitude.

I had more dreams—waking and falling back into slumber– about my sense of loss and hopelessness and about what, on vacation, I could actually feel hopeless about.

I must have dreamed first about my teeth.  I have actually never had a cavity.  But now, I don’t know, I am afraid to go to the dentist.  Afraid to be reprimanded perhaps.  This is the same reason that I have held some medical issues at bay.  Issues that I won’t discuss here.  Maybe that should be another post.

Still, the dreams, the documentary, my own psyche, was telling me what I needed to do to.  (I was going to add “to make myself happier” but that is an ugly pit we fall into and I know better.  Happy now or always chasing a dream. Right?)

So, here’s to my plan!  And, to yours!  I will keep you posted.


1 Comment

  1. slysummaries said,

    July 10, 2011 at 11:50 am

    Sounds like an excellent plan. We’re leading a double life, perhaps! Dentistry, writing, and excercising before Kevin leaves for work are also on my to do list this summer!!!

    Also, have you read The Glass Castle? I think you should because your dirty underwear in the corner ain’t got nothin’ on them!

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