A Reflection on Dream Making

When I was a little girl, maybe six, maybe older (I believed in magic with such fervor and a full heart that I may have tried this well past six), I used to wish, nightly, upon a star.  “Star light, star bright,” I’d say, eyes squeezed shut.  “The first star I see tonight…”  My eyes would pop open knowing that part of the mystery lay in my finding that perfect star on first glance. “I wish I may, I wish I might…” Then, I would wish for the power to be a changeling, the ability to turn into any animal at will.  I would crawl down onto the floor after making my wish, curl into a ball, forehead to knees, and whisper “make me a bunny.”  Regardless of the lack of success, I did not give up easily.  It was probably not until the tragic evening that I learned the truth about Santa Clause (perhaps a reason that I was an atheistic teen and young adult), that I gave up on this dream.   While there are so many reasons that this wish denying sucked, the most frustrating may have been that I was unable to live out my secondary fantasy of turning into a T-Rex behind the playground  to frighten the school bully.  That would have been stellar.

While I’ve lost touch with my stake in the realm of magic, even to deny the idea of miracles, I have not, I suppose, completely lost touch with the idea that dreams might come true.  The only difference being that the outcome of the adult dream does not manifest from a star, but from discipline and hard work and ingenuity and maybe a little chance and maybe a little luck, depending on the dream of course.

Case in point:  I have a friend who recently left a mortgage lending gig for an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity helping the downsizing privileged to create estate sales (he loves objects, furniture, antiques, things) that benefit Hospice.  He is out of the office and living up, well, a dream.  Crazy happy.  When asked how he landed his new job, he proudly stated that he had, in fact, created the position.  He went to a local nonprofit, posed his idea, and Bam!, a new man galore!  This to me is adult-level magic, finding a way to accomplish a goal without fear, without hesitancy, but with a creative desire to tackle the possibilities.  I am jealous.

So, earlier this year, while focusing on a gratitude practice that I sadly did not adhere to (need to pick that one up again), I typed out my personal goals and wishes.  When thinking about career, I wrote:

Honestly, I think I want a complete career shift.  I do not hate my job, but I do not love it and I do not feel that I am using my talents to the best of their abilities nor am I following my dreams.  Okay, so while I’ve often felt that my dream career would involve writing of some sort, I don’t know that that is a full on requirement.  I would like a job in which I have the space and am encouraged to be creative.  I would like to be inspired by my career and would like to be able to truly inspire others.  I would like to work with like-minded adults who also push me to my potential, creative and otherwise.  While I believe I am, in many ways, an effective and creative teacher, I honestly don’t feel that teaching is my lot in life.

I’ve always dreamed of getting my MFA in creative writing.  So, why haven’t I pursued it?  Why haven’t I taken that first step?  And then, what to do afterward?  I am, I believe, a little afraid of change.  And, of course, do not want to give up my summers off.  So, well, there.

The iconic dreamer Vonnegut once (apparently) said or wrote or at least thought “We have to be continually jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.”

While I have never read a Vonnegut book, or a Vonnegut anything (I regret this wholeheartedly), I respect the man and believe in this statement completely.

Yes.  Cliff jumping and wings.

So, how does one achieve these dreams?  Find this cliff?  Develop those wings?  I am not entirely certain.  I look to my friend for his charge and inventiveness, his go-get-em attitude., his faith.  Instead, I am a bit stuck.  A bit leery.   I tend to hope that the Universe will just provide this new opportunity (there goes that magic star), but I know that I must take the appropriate steps.  God helps those, you know.

I am uncertain, for this post, where to go from here.  I could rely on my standard quotations.  I could list more of my dreams.  I could ask you, dear reader, for advice.  But, alas, again I am stuck.

I think of Bella in New Moon (yes, this is part of the Twilight series.  Don’t puke.), and the part in which she, very stupidly, but unabashedly and without hesitation, jumps off a high cliff into the ocean hoping to conjure up a lost Edward.  Maybe that is what we need.  The full on desire to conjure up our wishes and to jump into them, feet first, without hesitation.  So much to learn from a love affair with a vampire!

So, I feel, in my uncertainty, I must end this post.  I must ponder this dream making more.  I must ask you, too, to ponder this for me.  Maybe to share your own successes.  I must, sadly, end on a Bella note, a juvenile example of wish making.

I do, though, wish for you the path that best leads you to your destiny.  I wish this for myself.  And, I long for the days in which I so fully believed in star magic.

And, in this wish, I must conclude.  Perhaps abruptly.  May our dreams come true!

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