The Sea of People Who Encircle Me

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it’s only by this meeting that a new world is born.” ~ Anais Nin

 
Lately, I have been nearly swept away by the passionate, compassionate, and comforting nature of my friendships and by the amount of love that surrounds me daily. I am, I admit, one hell of a lucky woman to be encircled by a sea of people who keep me afloat, buoying my potential, and pulling me from the powerful undertow of my own seeming self-destruction. I have been fraught with confusion lately, forks in the road looming before me, not sure which path to take. In my confusion I have, blathered and divulged, processed and pondered, analyzed and questioned. I have vomited up masses of past trauma and current dilemmas. I have even made a hysterical phone call in the middle of the night. Despite the amount of emotional weight that I have had to lean on these kindred and saintly souls, they still stand firm both in their own beautiful strength and in their insistence that they are my biggest fans. I have so, so much for which to be grateful!


Recently, an old friend reappeared in my life. He surfaced almost out of nowhere claiming that I had been one of those people, one of those souls that had had a profound impact on his life. I was flattered and embarrassed, elated and uncomfortable. Who am I to be impacting the lives of others? Who am I at all? Still, the timing of his re-entrance, the kindness of his words, was priceless. In the midst of this questioning, this wondering if I am still on the path that I have been claiming, dear readers, to have been on since the holidays, here materializes a voice that says not only are you important, but you are worthy. This was especially powerful (I hate to say it), because he is a man and men are always such a fleeting conundrum to me. At least as of late.

 

I like the idea, thank you sweet, passionate Anais Nin, of being filled with worlds. Worlds created by friends. Each person touching you in a new and different way, opening you up to creativity and possibility, opening you up to your true self. I don’t see these worlds as separate entities, but rather as a beautiful crowd of atom-like masses ebbing and flowing, pulsing, holding us together. My friends are my glue and sometimes, perhaps, even my breath.

 
I must acknowledge here that it seems that I have been in the complete doldrums. (Calling someone up in the middle of the night?!?) But, haven’t we all been riddled with emotion and harsh contemplation at one point or another? I am an intensely feeling creature and it only makes sense that I would fall out of balance at one point or another. But I am okay. So okay. There have been these “promises” looming before me as of late: the promise to love and accept myself fully, to be present, to be free of fear and unnecessary longing, to nurture and embrace others, to be both at peace and thankful. If I am able to clear my thoughts, to choose between the path to the left or the path to the right (just choose a damn path for heaven’s sake!), I believe that more often than not, these promises will hold true. I can already see these gifts unfurling before me, around me, and within me. And, I must owe some of this to the love of my friends.

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