Good Bye For Now…

Do not start writing at midnight, I tell myself. Don’t do it. Don’t. I can rarely leave a post unfinished once I start. That will mean a 2AM bedtime. So, yeah, don’t do it. But, I fear that I must.

I have, like I imagine many writers do, a process. I vacillate between handwriting with a certain type of pen that leaves a certain type of ink in a large, line free, hard cover, thick paged sketch book and typing on my cheap laptop. I usually start by jotting down ideas and lines and paragraphs in the sketchbook and then type my more cohesive draft on the computer. As I write, I refer to the sketchbook, jot down more ideas, continue typing and then every few paragraphs I reread—silently or out loud to myself—my work. I then become inspired to write more and/or adjust accordingly.

I only say all of this because I am on the last page of a 200+ page sketchbook that I started writing in on September 2, 2013.

It is fitting that it should be the last page in this notebook because this might also be the last page that I publish on Life Unfurling for a while.

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A Still Small Voice

And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake, a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire, a still small voice. ~ 1 Kings 19: 11-13

I have never started off any post, okay any piece of writing, with a Bible verse. Because it is new territory and seemingly uncharacteristic, I feel the need to explain myself, to justify, to flesh out my own vision and relationship with God. I am acutely aware that my concept of God may not be your concept of God. Yet, I like this verse and I don’t know that we need to be on the same page (though we might be) for me to reflect on it.

I should say, however, that all of my life I have struggled with the concept of a higher power. I struggled with dogma and religion and all the existential questions that believing in a higher power might bring. Without any spiritual foundation on which to balance on my wobbly, ignorant human legs, I made intellect and self-will my higher power. And, eventually, I made intoxication my higher power as well.

I guess, for a while, this reliance on my brainpower and my complete obstinacy seemed to work. For a while. Yet, I hit a point in which I realized that my high IQ and my stubborn conceit weren’t serving me, weren’t saving me. I hit a point in which I had to reach out to something greater than myself—be it community, be it the Universe, be it God.

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